How to talk to children about divorce? Tips and more
Obviously, the separation of the parents or divorce turns out to be an important change, not only for the couple but also for the children. For this reason here we recommend some actions that you can apply to them when explaining separation or divorce.
1. Don’t hide reality from them
Many times to protect children we usually hide what happens, especially if they are very young, they are told everything but that they are going through a separation. Lies can create an unreal world in the world of the little one, which sooner or later will lead them to have many doubts and even feel betrayed because they discovered the lie, no matter how good an intention they had.
We recommend that you face that fear. In order to do so, it must first be clear to you, what is happening and why? You can explain that things will change, but that love will remain towards him or her and that much of the changes will be in his or her favor. It is also important that the details are kept by you, just give the necessary information so that they understand that this is the best thing for everyone.
2. Don’t wait long to tell them the facts
Hand in hand with the previous point, we wait so much because we do not know how to express them, that we end up telling him a day before changing school, home, and routine, if the separation is already a fact and preparations are being made, allow him to live his grief with time, give him time to say goodbye to his companions, your ex-partner, talk to everyone, see photographs of the new house, plan how he will continue in contact with his friends, etc. Help him process it, so he will feel more taken into account.
3. Talk to them both
Although it will be difficult, it is necessary, to make a team for the well-being of children. Agree on what they will tell you. Find a space, put day and time. Be assertive, do not interrupt the other, and do not change the version. Always maintain respectful treatment and begin to raise the new way in which you will relate. Having a single parent’s version or different answers can confuse them and fragment the relationship.
4. Prevent it from getting on one side or the other
At this time, the reason for the separation does not matter so much, perhaps later, if it is agreed or required to be older or has processed the grief, it is time to share it, but not now, since you have enough work with the changes to have to take sides and come to the defense of one of the parties.
In case you already know, you can not justify the situation, simply give attention to other things, to the changes that are coming, work, your emotions, etc.
When choosing who you will go to live with, explain that it does not mean that you love one more than the other, but make a list where put pros and cons to your well-being, that is, look at who is more functional to live with, as well as when setting visiting dates.
5. Avoid overloading children with problems
While you will let them witness some processes, avoid, no matter how mature they may seem, that they are your total listeners about the difficulties. Although they have the answer, they may feel equally or more stressed because they care about you and worry.
Share some things but not all your emotional charge, so it is important, if possible, that both carry a therapeutic process. Just as you tell him the bad, he also shares when you find the solution and what good is happening.
6. Talk about the different types of families
One of the main problems at the time of separation is the fear of what they will say, the simplest way to start breaking with this is to investigate. Theory and the internet can be great allies.
Know the different ways of being and being in this world. From establishing the meaning of family and its types.
It states that your value as a person does not diminish because of this change. It is not a sign of shame, on the contrary, it is part of courage and freedom.
7. Listen constantly
Listening is one of the most important points. Although you may feel full of other problems, try to give space for talk, and constant questioning, go to the bottom and show him that he is just like you. Their emotions are worth as much as yours.
It is worth not being as happy as you would like but exploring why you can lead them to possible solutions or action. Creating a support network is ideal.
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