Adolescence does not only have consequences for those who experience it. Also, the people around you can resent them. Especially talking about emotional changes. Facing changes in family dynamics is not easy. Many times we don’t understand what resources to use to deal with this.
Here are some tips that can help:
1. Don’t refuse changes.
Maybe you feel like your little one grew up too fast and you may not feel ready to make changes in their relationship yet. It is important to start working on you about this new stage. Start by sitting down and writing down what things have changed. Recognize your emotions. Focus on them. Ask yourself what spaces or times you dedicated to your children have been modified or diminished. Propose activities you’d like to do for yourself. Every change has a reason. We recommend you think that this stage is special, it will help your child to discover himself, obtain greater independence, and will define his identity even more. There will be new situations within the changes. Don’t panic, think about the benefits. You will begin to develop new skills, for example how to negotiate to grant permissions, knowing how to listen, assertiveness, etc.
If you have the opportunity to share experiences, and how each one has lived them. This will help you to improve communication with him, to make the changes with greater awareness and without looking so nostalgic for the past. Then identify with your child what things they think should change. Dialogue and do it gradually. Don’t forget that those changes should not only come from you but also from your child. Understand that changes mean taking up new responsibilities.
2. Set boundaries and rules.
This is essential to maintain respect and improve family coexistence. No matter what the emotional state of both parties, the fundamental thing is to lose the fear of setting limits. It won’t take you away from your child, it may even bring you closer in other ways. Think about openly expressing what bothers you and what people may or may not do when interacting with you. In turn, it is important that you also know what bothers your child. Building boundaries and rules together will help you be open to telling a little more about your emotions and learning to do it with others. Try to make the rules clear and that there is nothing left to interpretation.
3. Verbalize emotions and respect spaces.
Many times adolescents, as well as adults, express their emotions through actions. Sometimes, they can upset the other, worry him or make him angry. An example of this is not talking, throwing things, shouting, etc. Something we recommend is to be their model when you feel bad or good. Identify your emotions and verbalize them. Sometimes you can extend the explanation and in others mention that you are not ready to talk about it, but that you appreciate their interest and will share it later. This can help a lot to calm down the situation and not suffocate those who do not want to talk, respect their wish, but maintain a line of communication. When your child has the same attitude, accept him and mention that you are there when he wants to talk.
You can also give him options, such as if he wants a hug even if he doesn’t tell you things. You are open to talking about it at any time, who can tell you things and you will only listen without speaking if you need it at the moment. Respect these deals. Maybe in the latter case, if you want to advise him, you can tell him that you have advice for him and he can ask you as soon as he feels better.
4. Pleases their confidence and avoids judging.
The best way to thank a teenager for their trust is to respect them. Recognizing the courage he had to talk to you. Give it specific spaces. If he tells you something, take a seat and listen to it for real. As much as possible, stop the activity you are doing. Sometimes our teens only give us one or a few opportunities to share their emotions, either because of the fears they have or the shame. Take each of them. Listen and avoid judging their emotions as exaggerated, silly, or absurd, even if they seem to like it to you. That could close the circle of trust. He will think that you can’t understand it. Try to retake those spaces to listen to the solutions you want to give and ask if you can give your opinion or advice. Respect their wishes.
5. Don’t take it personally.
Your child is going through a lot of changes. New experiences and many questions come before your eyes. If at any time you feel that he has changed his behavior with you, come to ask, and express your feelings. Don’t scold him, but rather open the dialogue. Understand that it does not relate as such to you. Each person performs specific actions and the reaction to them can be very varied. Its interpretation depends on the beliefs and learnings of the person. Therefore, think that even if he confesses that he changed because you scolded him, it is not against you, but it is against the idea that they should not scold him, that he is already older, etc. Inquire and talk together about that belief and give solutions.
6. Look for a professional.
We will not always have all the answers, there are professionals who can be supportive. Psychologists, for example, have theoretical and applied training that parents do not know. Something important is to dialogue it, not impose it. Search for information. Demystify everything around going to the psychologist. Clarifying that we do not want to seek help because we believe that he is crazy, or that he cannot alone, but quite the opposite, is because he can and has the courage to solve or face all the changes. It’s a decision that will reflect how much you care about yourself as a person. You will be able to know yourself from another perspective and listen to each other and thus you will be able to refine, develop and discover skills that you have, is to take it as an investment in yourself. Setting an example as a parent can also help you make the decision.
We hope that these six tips will help you cope or face together all the emotional changes that adolescence entails. The most important thing to remember is that every emotion has a function and is completely valid, the point is to learn to deal with it.
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