Phrases to educate and avoid sexual abuse in children (boys)
The relationship of boys with their bodies is usually different from that of girls. This is due to gender issues, that is, teachings that we are internalizing little by little. From what we learn to relate to the other. There are different phrases that can have a major impact on the relationship men have with their bodies and how they react to any attempt at abuse. That is why here we show you some phrases that are usually said and can give the wrong message. Why they need to be modified and how to do it.
All in order to protect them.
1. My son is already a heartthrob as a child. Let the girl kiss you or are you gay?
These types of phrases begin to set parameters that they will follow. Specifically what is expected of him as a child. Beginning to form beliefs such as that men by nature cannot resist women. They cannot refuse but something is wrong with them. In addition to the fact that if they do, their value decreases. Remember that not only a man can commit some act against your little one, but also a woman or anyone. Also that it is building its identity and can intervene with its openness to tell you experiences or thoughts. Let’s teach to say no. It is completely valid and that does not make them less. Nor will they be treated badly, offended or discriminated against.
Modify it by: If you don’t like what he says or does, you can SAY NO and it should be respected.
2. Children don’t cry. Hold on.
Since they are small they are given an ideal of strength. Aimed at not showing emotions. They are encouraged not to express their pain, crying, or complaints. Rather than leading them not to suffer, or not to have feelings, it leads to repressing them. Dealing with problems alone. All this is in order to be accepted or not criticized. From here we begin to weave a perfect network so that children do not express their discomfort or pain in the face of any type of abuse. It is then that enduring becomes a way of life, which gradually moves children away from self-care and support networks. Avoiding this phrase will not only help you avoid abuse but to raise a future man who knows how to recognize all his emotions, gestate them and respect those of others.
Better tell him: Children may also complain, cry, and express themselves. You have emotions and it is worth showing them. Doing so also requires courage.
3. Solve your problems alone, you’re already big. You are the little man of the house.
This phrase is often said to children so that they feel that they have a very important place at home. Grant some new responsibilities. Tell them or insinuate that they are responsible for the whole family, even if they are not. In a symbolic way, it can make him very demanding with himself. Lead him to believe that he should not ask for help. They must solve everything on their own. That the mood and well-being of your family depend on them. It is then that they can largely doubt which events to communicate and which not. With the possibility of waiting to feel very overwhelmed by the event to ask for help or not to do them out of embarrassment.
You can mention: It’s okay not to be able alone or not to know everything. It gives you opportunities for learning and teamwork. We are a team and we can always support each other.
4. That’s a man’s thing and I can’t teach you.
Talking about your child’s body can be a bit difficult since you do not have the same physiognomy or all the taboos that exist. It is completely understandable but at the same time, it is necessary that you inform yourself. Look for all the changes you will have, the hygiene you will have to carry, etc., in order to guide you in the most appropriate, natural and theoretical way possible. Mentioning to a child that there are issues like the body that can’t be talked about breaks the circle of communication. Since he will feel sorry, guilty or think that it is inappropriate to talk to you. That is why it puts you in vulnerability to obtaining erroneous information, asking someone about the subject this ill-intentioned, etc.
Change it to Your body is different from mine, but let’s research and learn how to take care of it.
Showing our children that their value is not found in gender stereotypes gives them the value of being able to express themselves, have confidence and set limits before actions that they detect are not correct in the interaction with anyone.
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