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How to improve the relationship between siblings?

One of the most important points during parenting is to foster a good relationship between the children so that they learn to love and respect each other. Here are some tips on how to help improve sibling relationships.

We must first understand that since any bond does not occur overnight, let’s eliminate the myth that love or respect already exists for the fact of being family.

Like any relationship, it is built in daily interaction and must be fostered. While you can’t interfere with their emotions as such if you can be a mediator to guide them.

Avoid comparing children

Although for us the difference between our children is obvious and we will never think that one is better than the other, for children it is still not so clear. Making small comparisons can start to create a rivalry between siblings, and make them feel bad or Confused. In most cases, we usually compare them or put one of them as an example because we want the other to learn or develop some new skill or on the contrary, we want him not to do the same. This desire is not bad, but there are other alternatives:

  • First. Identifies What are your child’s characteristics and abilities: Talk to them, ask. Remember that everyone is completely different and even if they live in similar or equal situations, their interpretation of things will not be the same.
  • Second. Analyze the context of your little one and the importance or desire to develop a certain skill: What is important to one to the other may not be. It is the perfect time to boost your hopes and goals. Not necessarily both have to do the same activities all the time. Maybe you like to draw more, then it will require different skills
    the other who wants to learn to sing or play an instrument. No activity is better or worse than another.
  • Third, each child is their own starting point. If you want to monitor how much progress you have had to celebrate, let it be taking into account your own progress, the difficulties you have faced and the way you have done it. Never with what his brother has achieved. Remind each person to take their time and it doesn’t mean it’s more or less.

Don’t talk about your mistakes with your brother.

No one likes to feel exposed to the other. The point of drawing attention to your little one is that they can analyze the problem and possible resolutions so that it improves. Never the punishment. This is why whenever you have a mistake or do something improper you choose to talk about it alone. This way they can focus on the solutions and not on the emotions you will feel when exposed. If the action happened in front of the other or ask about it. They can give you a short answer of what happened, always pointing out the reason for the problem from a point of neutral, never judging the little one. Example: Avoid saying “It’s that your brother was a bad child because he broke a window” modify it to “He broke the window, I explain what happened and he will give him this solution”.

In the same way, he avoids speaking ill of one of them in his absence. Sometimes we feel that children are very mature and understand everything that happens or are trained to be heard. The reality is that they are still learning and may feel confused. Especially if you have discomfort, sadness, disappointment, despair, etc. They may come to think that their brother is the cause of these emotions, that perhaps he does it with intention and therefore can create resentment, and anger, for something that from the beginning does not correspond to him.

Recognize emotions and communicate them.

This will not only allow them to have a good relationship with each other but with their entire environment. Teaching them that all their emotions are valid is usually difficult since sometimes children can say very hard things because they do not know the meaning of the word or because of the euphoria of the moment. The ideal is to explore the feeling. Ask why he feels that way, rather than scold him for feeling that emotion. If you scold him you won’t stop him from feeling it, maybe just expressing it. Explore and provide solutions. There you can find a lot of the discomfort that your child presents in the interaction with his environment, including his brother and how to support him.

Activities to improve the relationship between siblings.

The bond that you are looking for to be formed between your children will be given from coexistence. It is important to create activities to improve the relationship or spaces where they can interact both with and without your mediation. You can start with household chores, team up to finish them faster and go to the park, for ice cream or spend time together. Try to make them look like something not so planned. Make it feel like a game. Create new games, try to make them mostly games where they must team up. Also if you think it convenient you can see when to include competition games, and try to carry them out with your mediation. Your fundamental role will be to be the model and guide before knowing how to lose so that they learn that it is a game and that it is not something personal.

Equal attention and time

Just as it is important to create time together, it is also essential to grant spaces alone with each of them. Many times we feel that one of them requires more attention due to age or behavior issues, but the reality is that they need it equally. Let’s avoid creating rivalries or even giving messages that can be misinterpreted as if I behave rudely or do mischief will make me listen. In turn, having time with each one will give you the opportunity to know more about their personality and continue building that bond between mother and child, not only between siblings.

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