Foster children often come from difficult backgrounds and may have trouble forming connections and trusting others. As a foster carer, it’s important to be patient, and compassionate, and go the extra mile to show them they are cared for. Here are some tips for building meaningful connections with foster children. 

Be a Safe Haven

Many foster children have experienced trauma, abuse, or neglect. They may see the world as an unsafe, unpredictable place, especially if they have come to you for emergency foster care. As a foster carer, aim to make your home safe and comfortable. Maintain regular routines, set clear expectations, and don’t raise your voice or argue in front of them. Respond calmly if they act out. With time, they’ll learn your home is a secure base.

Active Listening

Actively listen when a foster child speaks to you. Give them your full, undivided attention. Maintain eye contact, nod along, and ask thoughtful questions. Don’t interrupt or rush the conversation. If they confide in difficult experiences, respond with empathy and validation. Make it clear you are someone who will listen without judgement. This builds trust.

Find Shared Interests

Get to know the child’s unique interests, talents, and personality. Is there a sport they enjoy? Do they like reading or drawing? Build a shared interest by doing activities together that align with their passions. They’ll feel seen and understood. Shared interests also provide natural opportunities for bonding.

Celebrate Small Wins

Reinforce positive behaviours by celebrating small wins. If they complete homework without nagging, thank them for their hard work. If they get ready for school on time, recognise their responsibility. Validate when they express their feelings in a healthy way. This motivates them to keep progressing.

Respect Their Identity

Respect and nurture the child’s cultural, ethnic, religious, gender, and sexual identity. Use the appropriate pronouns they request. Prepare meals that align with their cultural heritage. Allow them to observe religious/cultural practices. Connect them with mentors and communities that affirm their identity. This shows acceptance.

Quality Time

Set aside consistent one-on-one time with each foster child. Take them on special outings like the zoo, movies, or mini golf. Have weekly activities just the two of you share. At home, read books together at bedtime or cook meals side-by-side. This dedicated time deepens the caregiver-child bond.

Listen to Their Perspective

Seek the child’s input on issues impacting them. Listen to their viewpoint on family rules, schedules, activities, and more. Compromise when possible. While you can’t accommodate every request, showing you respect their perspective builds trust. Follow up to ensure agreements are kept.

Patience and Persistence

Some foster children take longer to open up and connect than others. Progress may not be linear. There will be good days and bad days. Respond to challenges with empathy, not anger. Be reliable through ups and downs. Keep trying new trust-building activities. Your patience and persistence will pay off.

Foster children can thrive emotionally with the security of meaningful connections. By being a compassionate, engaged, and dedicated caregiver, you have the power to restore a child’s trust, confidence, and hope. The effort makes all the difference.