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Toxic attitudes as a couple after having a baby

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Mothers and fathers respond and adapt to their newborn baby in different ways, and sometimes this can cause misunderstandings and conflicts. So preparing for how to effectively manage stress in a relationship after the birth of a baby is a very important part of this process, since having a baby can challenge even the best relationships.

Some couples choose to have a baby to celebrate their stability or strengthen their relationship. They think that a baby will bring them closer and that life after childbirth will be a moment of tenderness, intimacy, and maturity. However, having a baby is an experience that can be stressful at times. Try to find or schedule a time to talk and be a couple, even if it’s only for a few minutes. In these delicate moments, a team must be formed so that no cracks arise between the two. Performing daily activities in the company of the couple are one of the best ways to strengthen emotional ties, on the other hand, communication and organization at home is a priority.

When having a baby, first-time parents face role changes, lifestyle adjustments, and financial adjustments or difficulties. Experienced parents have additional demands from their previous children.

Many couples today seek relationship counseling after having a baby. This does not necessarily mean that the stress is greater now than in previous years, but that more couples recognize when they need help.

Conflicts can be aggravated if the mother experiences postpartum depression. Here are some useful ways you can improve your relationship with your partner after having a baby.

What new moms go through…

New mothers often feel overwhelmed by their changing role in life. The mother feels tired after labor and postpartum recovery. The nights are no longer days of continuous sleep and rest to become continuous awakenings to care for the baby. They may feel less important now that their days are full of diaper changes, food and many tasks. Parents can help by trying to understand how busy their partner’s day really is.

You cannot expect housework to be done, the house is clean and dinner is on the table when you get home after a hard day at work.

Instead, a good formula is that when you get home, talk to your partner about their day and how they can collaborate with each other. Dad can take care of his newborn baby not only so that his partner can take a much needed rest, but also because It is the best way to get to know each other and establish an attachment relationship with your baby.

New mothers may also have problems with their body image. Your breasts look different, your hips are wider, and it can be harder than you originally intended to lose that extra amount of fat. You can help reassure your partner about their appearance. She needs to know that you still find her attractive.

Loneliness, since before it was raised in tribe.

The sisters, the grandmothers were an active part of the upbringing. It was natural. Not now, mothers raise themselves. Alone at home, alone on a walk away from personal and professional relationships, generating, in many cases, a feeling of loneliness and frustration, something that is difficult for them to express and for what they feel.

What new dads go through…

New parents sometimes feel excluded and isolated. They can even see the new baby as a kind of competition for their attention. As a result, they can go to the extreme of retreating and becoming depressed. It can help positively include you in baby care. You also have to understand that you can do things differently from yourself, but try to look beyond that. You need to do things your way, and they will be fine.


Spend time together

Couples with new babies are busy. The feeding, changing of diapers and the consolation of a baby seems to occupy endless hours of the day. By the time the mother and father see themselves, they are generally completely exhausted. If they are in a bad mood due to lack of sleep, work, and other types of concerns.

Try to find time to talk and be a couple again, even if only for a few minutes. You may even have to schedule at a time when both are available. Choose a time when children are well fed and settled. This can be difficult when your baby is just a newborn, but it should be easier as they grow.


Reinventing your intimacy with each other

Most new parents experience a loss of sexual intimacy. Sometimes, this can begin during pregnancy because the couple felt uncomfortable having sex, the mother did not feel well or there were complications. Sometimes, withdrawal during pregnancy can lead to a long period of withdrawal after the baby is born.

Sometimes, during childbirth, a woman has tears or an episiotomy, which requires considerable time for recovery. If the woman has sex too soon after childbirth, it can become painful. Even if the woman did not have a tear or an episiotomy, her vaginal muscles may simply be too loose to really enjoy sex shortly after giving birth.

Last but not least, breastfeeding can inhibit a woman’s desire to have sex. You may feel that your breasts are reserved for your newborn baby now, and that may make you feel less interested in having intimacy.

Men may feel betrayed if their partner rejects them physically and emotionally. It is important to talk to each other about your feelings. There are other ways to have mutual physical intimacy, and each couple sets that pace in their own way together.

Address your financial priorities

Expenses may accrue when the baby arrives. If you were previously a two-income family, the financial stress of raising a baby with an income or the decrease in income due to maternity leave time can be amplified. Many times, the mother’s attention is focused solely on her newborn baby, which leaves the father only worried about finances. Although family finances are a joint responsibility, it is often the father who has to make difficult decisions about financial priorities. This can cause stress and conflict in the relationship, as well as depression in some parents.

However, there are many ways to save money when you have a child, such as accepting baby gifts from friends and family, breastfeeding instead of bottle-feeding and letting people know what items you need for the baby.

If financial difficulties are causing stress at home it is best to sit down and schedule a financial plan between the two.


Some tips for future parents to maintain a marriage through changes in the life of a baby

If possible well in advance of the arrival of the baby, commit to keeping the couple’s time, scheduling a regular time alone (evening appointments, exercise together, etc.). Couples should make their marriage a priority, especially when the baby arrives.

Hiring a babysitter or leaving a few hours with grandparents or another close relative can also be a good idea, so you can get a lot of hours to get back to sleep, enjoy a little personal care, run errands or spend precious time together.

It is important to remember that raising a baby is a very important task that, if possible, is done much better as a team. Successful partnerships are successful when collaboration, mutual respect, and reflective appreciation are priorities. Couples who neglect “little things” and focus on the key issues that are the health and well-being of the baby, the importance of marriage and the creation of a safe and loving home life, tend to be the happiest. By choosing to avoid the smallest problems (such as that extra pile of dirty clothes or a lost meeting with friends), the long-term goals of the relationship tend to maintain a healthy and happy relationship.

Seeking support from the closest people can be a good idea to have a regular source of support during any major life transition. Be it a regular meeting with friends, a parent support group, a therapist or other support, it is always good to have a place to meet and talk.

All the information we give you in this article is for orientation since each couple and each family is different and unique.


Carolina González Ramos

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