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Toxic attitudes as a couple after the arrival of a baby

Mothers and fathers respond and adapt to their newborn baby in different ways, and sometimes this can cause misunderstandings and conflicts. So preparing to be a couple with a baby to effectively manage stress is a very important part of this process, as having a baby can challenge even the best relationships.

Some couples choose to have a baby to celebrate their stability or strengthen their relationship. They think that the arrival of a baby will bring them closer and that life after childbirth will be a time of tenderness, intimacy and maturity. However, having a baby is an experience that at times can be stressful. Try to find or schedule time to talk and be a couple, even if it’s only for a few minutes. In these delicate moments, a team must be formed so that no cracks arise between the two. Performing daily activities in the company of the couple is one of the best ways to strengthen emotional ties, on the other hand communication and organization at home is a priority.

When having a baby, new parents face role changes, lifestyle adjustments, and financial adjustments or difficulties. Experienced parents have additional demands from their previous children.

Many couples today seek relationship counseling after having a baby. This doesn’t necessarily mean that stress is greater now than in previous years, but that more couples recognize when they need help.

Conflicts can be aggravated if the mother experiences postpartum depression. Here are some helpful ways you can improve your relationship with your partner after having a baby.

What new mothers go through

New mothers are often overwhelmed by their changing role in life. The mother feels tired after the effort of childbirth and postpartum recovery. The nights cease to be days of continuous sleep and rest to become continuous awakenings to attend to the baby. They may feel less important now that their days are filled with diaper changes, feeding, and many tasks, constantly wondering how to be a good mother to my baby. Parents can help by trying to understand how busy their partner’s day really is.

You can’t wait for housework to be done, the house to be clean, and dinner to be on the table when you get home from a hard day’s work.

Instead, a good formula is that when you get home, talk to your partner about your day and how you can collaborate with each other The dad can take care of his newborn baby not only so that his partner can take a much-needed break, but also because it is the best way to get to know each other and establish an attachment relationship with your baby.

New mothers may also have problems with their body image. Your breasts look different, your hips are wider, and it can be harder than you originally thought to lose that extra amount of fat. You can help by reassuring your partner about how they look. She needs to know that you still find her attractive.


Solitude since before she was raised in a tribe.

The sisters, the grandmothers were an active part of the upbringing. It was natural. Not now, mothers raise alone. Alone at home, alone for a walk away from personal and professional relationships generating, in many cases, a feeling of loneliness and frustration, something that is difficult for them to express and for what they feel.


What new parents go through

New parents sometimes feel excluded and isolated. They may even see the new baby as a kind of competition for their attention. As a result, they can go to the extreme of withdrawing and becoming depressed. It can positively help to include you in baby care. You also have to understand that he can do things differently from you, but try to look beyond that. You need to do things your way, and they will be fine.


Spending time together

Couples with new babies are busy. Feeding, changing diapers, and comforting a baby seem to take up endless hours of the day. By the time the mother and father look lonely, they are usually completely exhausted. If they are in a bad mood due to lack of sleep, work, and other types of worries.

Try to find time to talk and become a couple again, even if only for a few minutes. You may even need to schedule at a time when both are available. Choose a time when the children are well fed and settled. This can be difficult when your baby is just a newborn, but it should get easier as they get older.


Regaining your intimacy with each other

Most new parents experience a loss of sexual intimacy. Sometimes this can start during pregnancy because the couple felt uncomfortable having sex, the mother was not feeling well, or there were complications. Sometimes abstinence during pregnancy can lead to a long period of abstinence after the baby is born.

Sometimes, during childbirth, a woman has tears or an episiotomy, which require considerable time for recovery. If the woman has sex too soon after delivery, it can become painful. Even if the woman didn’t have a tear or episiotomy, her vaginal muscles may simply be too loose to really enjoy sex soon after giving birth.

Last but not least, breastfeeding can inhibit a woman’s desire to have sex. You may feel that your breasts are reserved for your newborn baby now, and that may make you feel less interested in being intimate.

Men can feel betrayed if their partner rejects them physically and emotionally. It is important to talk to each other about your feelings. There are other ways to have a mutual physical intimacy, and each couple sets that pace in their own way together.


Address your financial priorities

Expenses can add up when the baby arrives. If you were previously a two-income family, the financial strain of raising a baby with an income or declining income from maternity leave can be amplified. Many times, the mother’s attention is focused solely on her newborn baby, leaving the father only concerned about finances. Although family finances are a joint responsibility, it is often the parent who has to make difficult decisions about financial priorities. This can lead to stress and conflict in the relationship, as well as depression in some parents.

However, there are many ways to save money when you have a little one, such as accepting baby gifts from friends and family, breastfeeding instead of bottle feeding, and letting people know what items you need for the baby.

If financial difficulties are causing stress at home it is best to sit down and schedule a financial plan between the two.


Some tips for expectant parents to maintain a marriage through changes in a baby’s life

If possible well in advance of the baby’s arrival, commit to maintaining partner time, scheduling regular time alone (date nights, exercise together, etc.). Couples should make their marriage a priority, especially when the baby arrives.

Hiring a babysitter or leaving a few hours with grandparents or another close relative can also be a good idea, this way they can get a few hours much needed to recover sleep, enjoy a little personal care, run errands or spend precious time together.

It is important to remember that raising a baby is a very important task that if possible is done much better as a team. Successful partnerships succeed when collaboration, mutual respect, and thoughtful appreciation are priorities. Couples who put aside the “little things” and focus on the key issues that are the health and well-being of the baby, the importance of marriage and the creation of a safe and loving home life, tend to be the happiest. By choosing to avoid the smaller problems (like that extra pile of dirty laundry or a missed meeting with friends), the long-term goals of the relationship tend to keep a relationship healthy and happy.

Seeking support from those closest to you may be a good idea to have a regular source of support during any major life transition. Whether it’s a regular meeting with friends, a parent support group, a therapist, or another type of support, it’s always okay to have a place to meet and be able to talk.


All the information we give you in this article is indicative since each couple and each family are different and unique.


Carolina González Ramos

Edda Virtual Solutions

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