Tips for the prevention of sexual abuse in sons and daughters
Starting to educate and socialize our little ones while taking care of them is not easy. For this, there are prevention measures that you can start working hand in hand with your little one. Little by little you will help protect yourself while creating a large communication network:
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Establish rules of behavior for both inside and outside the home.
When we put our children in the care of a nursery, school, family member or friend, it is important to take different factors into account. Among them, we find avoiding saying things like “you behave well, obey everything they tell you”. These types of phrases can become misinterpreted and generalized by children. They are not specific and can put them in danger. Because of this, it is better to change them to basic rules of behavior.
Some examples can be:
- Don’t yell at people or say rudeness.
- Ask for things, please.
- Do not mistreat or break things that are not yours.
- Do not scratch or climb on furniture.
- If you don’t like something or feel uncomfortable, say it. You can dial me immediately: Always have the number and willingness of someone you trust to come for your little one in case you can’t do it. It is possible that on occasion you have to witness a call that you consider not so important, however, it is important to listen to it and not scold it. Propose solutions and dialogue. Validate your emotions. It is better that he tells you every last detail than that they overlook things that could be important for his safety.
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Avoid using phrases like “If someone harms you, I’ll kill them.”
While it is a figurative phrase, it can cause a lot of fear in the little ones or insecurity. Children are not yet able to differentiate between the imaginary and the real. It is possible that when the time comes to raise your voice in any unpleasant situation; whether it’s a small injustice at school or something more serious, be afraid of the consequences.
Taking very seriously what you said about hurting whoever hurts you, for example, you may think of you hurting your best friend because I take away your favorite toy, etc. In turn, he might fear for your safety, for the consequences that you would run, such as your freedom or your own life or even think that he would be left alone and without protection. This type of phrases more than providing security and support, can block trust and create fears.
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You don’t condition your love.
“If you don’t do it, I’m not going to love you anymore” or “When you do, I’m going to love you more” Can you imagine the strength of this phrase? It is often used as an intensive or a strategy to improve their education. Sometimes it is very functional but it turns out not to be the most suitable. Love should not be conditioned or give this false idea, no matter how good intentions we have. It is necessary to clarify that our love and support will have it regardless of their behavior or situation. Another thing will be the consequences of their actions as such. An example could be if you take something without permission you will have to apologize and return it, etc. Show them that an error or mischief is not the totality of them
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Tell him that he is free to greet people with a voice, a hand, a hug or a kiss.
This is a controversial topic, since speaking mostly in the context of our culture. We are very used to physical contact. It is very normal for us to greet with a kiss, the little ones even by imitation usually do it. But the bottom line is that they know they have options, with anyone. That this will depend on how much comfort you feel with people or even your way of being. Together you can rehearse each type of greeting. Teaching both him and those around him does not mean that he is more or less educated, that he loves people more or less but that he is a child with decision and freedom over his personal space and body.
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Explain that not all adults are right just because they are, nor do they have the right to demand things from them because of their age.
Teaching that we are all human and that we can make mistakes is fundamental, as are all family members guided by these same rules of interaction. An adult is nothing more than a child just because they are older or family. Although it is a speech used for fear that if they know the mistakes of the adult or guardian they can stop respecting them or paying attention, it has the opposite effect.
Children when they are young may believe it but as they grow up they will notice things more clearly and may feel deceived, undervalued and stop responding as desired. In turn, imposing age leaves them vulnerable to any order that comes from someone older. Start measuring people by their true value, a value that consists of knowing how to recognize mistakes, that you want and work to improve, treat the people around you well, are respectful, create relationships with explicit agreements, etc. Thus we begin to gradually unravel the basis of many types of abuse, the abuse of power.
The risk that a person is ill-intentioned is always present, however, it is possible to begin to protect our little ones from these guidelines, which above all are based on communication and show them the power or right they have over the care of their body.
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