Tips for Negotiating Permits with Teens
The period of adolescence is usually difficult for teens but also for parents, it will be full of many changes. First of all, they will begin to seek independence, including doing new activities in the company of other people. You will no longer be able to be by their side taking care of them all the time, although you can establish negotiations that protect them and give you peace of mind.
We give you some tips so that they can handle those permits in the best way.
1. Establish general rules for all permissions together.
We suggest you write them and place them in a visible place and they can even do it in contract format. Establish expiration time and re-structuring. Remember that it will continue to grow and its permits or requirements as well. Carry it out on a day that you consider you have time, there are no problems between you or pending things, especially not when you want to go out. This could modify the structure and make it more difficult, as it will think specifically about the permit that is coming.
You can mention that there are rules so that you can be as safe as possible. Open your emotions with him or her, what has meant that his independence begins, the fears you have, ask him also how he has lived it. Listen, it’s time to create a team and empathy. Don’t start by imposing your ideas. First listen to the ones you want to propose. Believe it or not, be fully aware of what are the basic things you should avoid. Then mention yours. Remember to explain what importance you give to that standard. All the good it could bring.
Once mentioned and accepted by both parties be clear and very specific. This will prevent them from being malleable and being able to break them according to the context.
2. Negotiate. Ask about the context and your emotions.
What may be unimportant to you can be crucial to your child. Put yourself in their place according to the context they share with you. From that they negotiate the permit. Even for decision-making they can take up the general rules that they have already structured before. Stay out of the situation. Prevent me from taking it personally. Don’t take up phrases like “Because I say it” or “Because I command.” Use arguments that are outside of you.
Example: That area is dangerous. Although it sounds absurd look for statistics, people who live in the place. Get informed together. They can set standards around their well-being and not what you want. The rules are more likely to remain in your absence and not just pretend to abide by them. It creates bonds of trust.
3. That the teenager commits himself.
Let’s set consequences. When something agreed is broken can not happen unnoticed. Ask him or her to set their own consequences. This will help you engage to a greater extent. You will help him to become aware that these are not family or over-protective rules, but rules before actions and life. Example: What do you propose if you are late?
You don’t give me permission the next time I ask for it. Sometimes even their proposals can be tougher than the ones you would put in. If you think that there is little that he proposes asks for another option, explain why you do not agree with the first.
4. Comply with the consequences
This step is indispensable. None of the above would make sense if they are not met. Showing these consequences to teens is part of continuing to teach. Sometimes they themselves take themselves into uncomfortable situations or cut their own permits. It can be sad for us. But if it is something already established there is nothing you can do. Remember that it is a deal he made with his own safety. With himself. Not with you. Going back to that logic you are only a mediator but you cannot prevent it from happening. What you can do is talk about their emotions, help them give solutions so that their mood improves. Taking care of them is also making them responsible.
We hope that these tips will help you to continue enjoying this new stage with them, support them in their independence and improve communication.
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