When a couple with children makes the decision to separate, one of the biggest concerns is “How will it affect children?!”
Well, here we tell you a little about the possible effects of divorce on children, being necessary to clarify that not all children will go through these processes, which may vary, although in general, we talk about a grieving process. We must take into account family background, skills you have, age, how you have previously faced the changes, etc.
Confusion and denial of divorce
The first thing that takes importance in the process and that will have a great impact, is the way in which we communicate the decision to them. In most cases, the situation is not explained to the children, since it is painful for the parents, and they believe that they will not understand or do not know how to do it. Failure to clearly state the changes that will come can cause children to express great confusion.
They can also refuse to participate in the changes, which is normal, it is part of the desire to return to the known, to the comfort zone, although perhaps for them it is not so pleasant either, but it is what they already know, and therefore, it gives them security. They may try to create scenarios that are not comfortable for adults such as asking them to go out together, holding hands as a couple, etc. This answer is related to not talking clearly, but above all, it is recommended to explain why it is not possible.
Anger with parents
Anger is a recurring reaction. Its main function is to show that you do not agree with what is happening, this could, as already mentioned, not happen. There will be children who understand the situation and give the opportunity to the new, discovering that it is an improvement for their lives.
But for those children who have anger or anger, we can work with the limits, giving them the opportunity that although the situation cannot be changed, they can express their limits, reminding them that these have as their main premise not to pass over the rights of the other or that no one passes over theirs. Reach small agreements.
A common feeling in any grief, the easiest way to break with it is to talk, removing all those assumptions that have formed around the event. Take away from the child the responsibilities that do not correspond to him. Make it clear that, even if he observed that all the fights that you have as a couple, lead to your child as the main issue, separation is not your responsibility.
The way you educate depends on you, the way you dialogue depends on you, and to the extent that you fail to agree or are rude to the other, it does not depend on him. They should explain to their child that those events are only a tiny part of what’s going on.
Sadness and/or isolation
Give him your time, sometimes those small spaces allow him to understand the changes a little more. You can approach him and ask if he requires anything or if it is okay. That he knows that you are on the lookout but that you respect his way of living the mourning. We must listen, sadness can be the product of missing some events or being mixed with the collapse of some ideals.
Find out what causes this emotion. Propose solutions, maybe it will not go back to the past but you can build something just as pleasant.
Misconduct in the face of divorce
Many children do not know how to express all the sea of emotions they experience. A common way out is misconduct, depending on age, it may be the search for companies that may not be so pleasant to us. They look for a way out to express discontent or attract attention. If we teach them to show their emotions in other ways, especially if they are heard and taken into account, this behavior may or may not appear.
In divorce proceedings there is a lot of stress, things to do, paperwork, agreement on times and assets, search for new jobs, new home, require more money, so maybe you are not so much at home anymore. All this they resent and may feel displaced.
Try to include him in some processes, do not give him full responsibility, but if you take into account his opinions. Let him know that not everything is over, but it is the beginning of a new stage that can be very pleasant.
Tranquility and empathy
Many children are really observant and empathetic. When adults wear this process in a responsible and kind way with the other, causes children to feel greater confidence, accept changes without so much resistance, manage to create an even stronger bond with parents, they live in a more pleasant environment, which gives them tranquility and total comfort.
It will make them feel excited by the new things that are presented in their day-to-day and above all, they can feel empathy, and happiness because their parents show greater well-being in their daily lives.
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