Lying is a behaviour that has usually been reinforced. That is, it has had good or pleasant results at some point, of course, in the eyes of the person who carries it out. Many times they can be a result of fears, and consequences, among which we find losing the person, that changes the relationship, running out of benefits. Above all, it is an option to avoid responsibility or manage the situation to obtain pleasant results.
Here are some activities or tips for working with teens around lying.
1. It states that the consequences do not depend on the adult.
Many times adolescents have the belief that the consequences are a figment of the imagination of their parents. That it is a question of power and not learning. They may even consider them absurd. The idea is not to be the punisher. He chooses to simply be a mediator of the fulfillment of the commitment he has made to himself. It is about personal growth and his word.
Teach him that consequences are everywhere and are the product of action. Not from a desire of the parents. Agree on what they think the consequence should be in case you don’t comply. Experience. This commitment can lead to it not being so easy to break the established, both with him and with you.
Talk about sincerity and trust. Share the importance to yourself. This will also help you not think that by lying you will want it more than telling the truth because you will be disappointed. Setting an example always helps.
2. Look for the reason why he is lying.
Talking about it can be uncomfortable the first few times. We recommend you not only establish communication to sanction but to understand. Share. Tell them why you came to do it. Your fears. Even if you don’t have an immediate answer from them, it will surely help. Once he tells you those reasons, it is convenient to analyze them. Demystify each of them, together, and can be supported by research, data, etc.
3. Take examples and work on problem-solving.
Maybe he won’t tell you all the lies he’s told you. But you can share some experiences of yours or others. Look for examples of people far away or strangers to avoid conflict. Propose possible resolutions. It is like small training for when you want to use a lie, to make it easier for you to remember part of what was spoken. Apply what has been learned.
4. Think of consequences together.
Many times they think that lying will not have any consequence and that on the contrary, it will save them from it. Posing reality can make them fall into account.
Talk about both short-term and long-term consequences. Of the people affected, the type of person being formed and what might happen to them.
Make a general talk about the consequences and you can also resort to the above examples so that in a more specific way they can identify what the price of the lie will be in each case.
5. When you avoid lying, force it. Listen and appreciate the sincerity.
The first reaction of many parents to a mistake or action that they do not consider appropriate is to condition their affection, diminish the value of the person, not talk to them or simply not listen. This definitely only reinforces the idea that as you are sincere more bad things will come. When he comes to tell you this kind of thing, keep calm. If you don’t feel ready, ask for a few minutes so you can listen to it properly. Let him tell you his reasons, analyze together what other options there were, not as a reproach, but for future occasions.
Pose the resolution of the problem to what you find. Let them know that even if you disagree, your affection is intact and the truth strengthens that bond. Then talk about the consequences already agreed upon. Remind them that it’s not up to you whether they apply or not. The situation as such brings consequences.
Lies can be common. But once rules are established, communication, fears are broken, and awareness is built on the subject, they can cease to be so attractive. On the contrary, start taking them as an impractical or functional model to follow.
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